For a long time the term Domestic Abuse (DA) has usually be thought of as abusive behaviour that takes place in the context of an intimate relationship between adults and usually as being physical in nature – this has recently been more accurately named Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).
The many other facets of non physical abuse are now being defined (eg, coercive control, gaslighting etc) with the hope being to offer victims clear definitions that will bring more definitive protection in the form of recognition and prosecution by the courts.
So, generally speaking, most people will consider DA to be perpetrated by adults.
It comes as a surprise to some to consider the possibility of abuse by a juvenile or child, not just as part of a criminal act, say robbery or assault by strangers outside the home but inflicted on them by family member(s) within the home.
There is international evidence that suggests about one in ten parents may experience some violence from their children, although severe incidents are more rare.
For some parents, being at home with their children means being faced with regular threats, abuse and violent outbursts: doors off hinges, knives, police call outs, intimidation, holes in walls and more.
This situation will have been amplified greatly by government “lockdowns” and their ongoing and lasting effects on mental health in the community.
Some aggression is due to problems dealing with emotions but can also involve manipulation and control similar to that of adult perpetrators of abuse.
For instance, children can seek to use the legal system (police etc) against parents and guardians in a similar way to the “Legal Abuse” that can be faced by victims of IPV trying to escape their abusers and becoming embroiled in legal battles created by their abuser.
One survey suggested that in the UK, the number of incidents recorded by police was 14,133 between 2015 and 2018.
It's worth remembering that many incidents may go unreported.
I've been unable to find exact statistics for how many parents live with violence from their children.
What can someone do?
Get help – Police, any services already in place and charities like
https://safelives.org.uk/
may be able to help advise you.
A very good “starter” list of resources can be found here:
https://www.itv.com/thismorning/violent-children-helplines
Parents may need to, in extreme circumstances, consider the heart breaking option of the child being put into some form of outside residential care before a tragedy happens.
Some possibilities to consider from a personal safety perspective:
Survey the home with a view to removing as many potential weapons of opportunity as possible – especially knives and cutting/puncturing tools.
At a minimum lock them away from being grabbed in a heated outburst.
Know where these objects are at all times.
Could one be taken and hidden by the child?
What other objects could be used? For example potential impact weapons.
When aggression starts or any indicator that it might be about to:
Try to avoid areas like the kitchen where potential weapons are.
Try to move to a space that is low risk, away from rooms with no working windows (eg bathroom) and only one door where you could become trapped.
Have more than one exit plan to get out of the home quickly and/or secretly.
Make sure that other family members are aware of plans so that everyone is safe and knows what to do.
If you have other children, make sure you share these plans in an age appropriate way so that it can be retained and not cause anxiety.
Do not attempt to physically intervene against an armed minor unless you are in the most desperate of circumstances.
Despite what experts say, untrained people can and do manage to disarm knives and weapons but that needs to be weighed against the fact that highly trained people have also died attempting the same thing.
There are no absolutes.
Consider ahead of time what force you would be willing to use to escape.
Do you have a neighbour that you could approach to ask if they will ring the police if they see or hear an incident at your property?
Can you develop the habit of always having a phone on your person – what if you were unable to get to a phone and call for help?
One client I worked with had to have a safe room in their house for exactly this situation, if you have something similar could it have a separate mobile kept hidden and charged? This phone would ONLY be used for this circumstance.
Make sure the escape routes you decide to use are always clear.
Do the windows open easily?
Do the fire escapes work?
Are any outside doors and or gates easy to open?
What else can you think of based on YOUR circumstances?
Any time spent thoroughly visualising an escape and having a plan will help reach a safer outcome and may be potentially life saving.
Questions or comments? Drop me an email at info@forcenecessary.co.uk