149 - Groundhog Tuesdays...
Running the 6.30pm crazy dude gauntlet...
I usually pack all the kit (water, notes and enough focus mitts and other training kit for new people) for a Tuesday workshop in large travel rucksack and a second bag and carry it just over a mile to the training venue.
It's an extra fitness session for the week thrown in for free (mostly flat load carrying with a bit of hill work at the end) - a good warm up for training.
It's cool to walk and think over a few ideas that I'm going to cover as well – useful time all round.
It's dark now after 6.30pm when I leave – interestingly for the last two weeks I've had an almost identical experience with lone crazy guys on the road in front of me while I'm walking.
The first one was two weeks back. I leave the house and straight away hear cars beeping and yelling. I first thought it was someone calling to a passing friend but soon saw the sight of a half dressed guy about 50m ahead screaming at the world and waving his arms around.
“Ah, for fuck's sake...” .
After many years of city living, this common sight elicits more selfish inconvenience than alarm.
I just want to get to work, he's right in front and I don't need hassle. I'm carrying loads of kit, can't move fast or run and I'm going to have to try and walk past him to get where I'm going.
Typically, all traffic ceases and it's just the two of us in the dark street.
Shall I cross the road and try and avoid him? It's just slowing me down and making me late – so let's stay on course and hope for the best.
It's a roulette spin...fingers crossed.
He walks close, pissed, screaming and lurching everywhere.
I step out into the road and luckily, there's railings between the pavement and road that separate us. He'd only have blundered into me anyway and started shit so it's ideal. I'm well past him and on my way, no calling out to me or footsteps behind.
All good.
Two nights back, same day of the week and time. I'm carrying the bags again and actually get further into town this time before, yep – it's Deja vu all over again!
In the dark up ahead I can see a guy bent over double, stood in the road wandering about and kicking something.
The car in front, swerves around him and carries on and yet again it's just me, the nut magnet, in the street.
I made the same decision as last time (!). I'm not crossing the road in total darkness and tripping in a vary narrow pavement under trees while carrying all the kit just to avoid this idiot. Also, this can give a fear signal if noticed so I just carry on.
This guy's different though – he's not moving like he's drunk or high. This is more of a worry as he's able to do anything.
He pays me no attention as I approach, he'll be on my right in the road as I pass. I decide if anything happens to ram him with the bags (shield) and then go from there and move my back to the right shoulder in readiness.
I walk past, no eye contact. Guy in his mid twenties or so, athletic build.
Looks totally normal – other from the fact that he's bent over kicking the ground in circles in the middle of a main road in the dark.
I just keep walking, looking to the side and using peripheral vision rather than looking back at him – there's no better way to make that special connection with a nut than meeting their eyes and giving them an opening to start their script.
No footsteps or running behind. We're good.
About a 100m later I see a couple with two kids and tell them about the guy. They can see him and get the situation straight away, they're really happy and say thanks and start crossing the road with the kids to avoid him.
Then a single woman, she's scared first by me trying to warn her and then by the thought of the guy. Asks me lots of questions trying to understand what to do. I tell her about the family and she crosses the road too.
And....so to work.
I guess any tough guys reading this might not see what the deal is with these events.
“What's the problem?– just a drunk idiot – knock him out!”
Well, sorry, I'm not a tough guy. I just want to get to work.
Do you really want that hassle?
Avoid trouble any way you can.
It won't look good for me in the local gossip rag to defend myself in any situation.
This also gets my name permanently online in the report linked to negative events and these will be the least of my problems if things go physical.
What about other people ?
I'm sharing the experiences as examples for trainees and especially for female trainees who will see this situation very differently.
Remember the reactions of the family and woman I spoke to.
One person’s inconvenience and wariness is another’s deep fear.
My choices were based on life experience, risk taking and also a certain level of confidence in my abilities (possibly misplaced...) and that's not the case for everyone.
I haven't had a fight since my teens. I have, however been assaulted, attacked and threatened a lot of times since then and have a certain familiarity with how weird shit can just happen and ALWAYS when it is least convenient for you.
In fact that is about the only variable that you can almost guarantee with uncanny accuracy.
I’m walking, not in a car and while I can celebrate the biped life - the fruit of human evolution rather than seal myself inside a metal box on wheels and glide past situations such as this, I have a very different set of problems because of it.
I'm also running late for work and it's normal thinking like that that doesn't always seem to be factored in by “tactical” types.
Real life and our personal deadlines and circumstances dictate events and decision making in ways that are not always conforming to general advice.
I’m not a soldier, a cop, a bouncer or James Bond.
I’m tired, distracted, late for work...
This is how circumstances really play out.
In the who, what, when, where , how and why of our everyday lives.
Everyday and perhaps, mundane.
That is until something happens.
Thank you so much for sharing your detailed thought processes like this. It’s really interesting to know what assessments you make and what goes into the decision making process - for you - in a particular situation.
Mostly what I get out of this, though, is a sense of being given permission to make assessments and act accordingly. So although you didn’t decide, all factors considered, to cross the road, the fact that you contemplated it makes me - and I’m sure other women and men who read this - feel more comfortable if we do decide to put plenty of space between us and a potentially tricky scenario.
It seems like an odd thing to need permission for, but there’s some interesting conditioning around not “living in fear” and not making “judgments” which can make people squash the warning signs.
It’s a hard balance to strike. Someone told me recently that, although they have never been attacked, they are in constant fear when out and about, and they view every male as a potential - or even likely - attacker. I have also spoken to people (mostly men) who say they have never experienced any harassment on the streets and have never felt in any real danger. Can that really be true?!
I think I am getting my head around how to have a level of prepared awareness that doesn’t tip over into exaggerated fear. I suppose in the same way that looking both ways before crossing the road doesn’t mean you are “living in fear”of being run over.
When walking with my 11 year old daughter in a dark park in early lockdown, I wanted to point out some things to consider, as she was doing more walking on her own. She hasn’t really had any hassle and I wasn’t sure how aware she might be of potential danger. But I also didn’t want to alarm her. “It’s ok” she said “I’ve got hand sanitiser”. I was wondering why she felt Covid prevention would be her principal concern if someone attacked her, but it turns out her plan was to spray it in their eyes. I’m both saddened and reassured that she was thinking in those terms.