254 - Mailbox: Attacked on a school run

A reader writes about a local man attacking her car while with her child

Thanks to “N” for writing in and sharing this experience of being attacked by an angry local while collecting her son from a local school.

(Jeth's comments are in brackets)

Hi Jeth,

So much to digest on the journal - thank you for that! 

I  keep meaning to mention this little incident from the other week, Good Friday, and there's a few learning points in it for me. I don't know. Might not make it universally useful, but I thought I would share. Sorry it's long.

I was collecting my son from music club where kids get together to write, practise and perform songs in bands. It's at (Stroud area school/ name removed) school. On the last afternoon there, everyone has to bring their equipment home, so with 70+ kids, that's a lot of roadie parents all turning up at once, and with heavy amps and drum kits and so on it isn't viable to meet around the corner. On every other possible occasion, he took the train.

It was chaos on the single-track road leading to the car park, on which there are about 6 houses. The car park was full so nobody arriving could get into it, and everyone on the lane had to reverse to let the car park empty somewhat. Someone pulled into a layby outside one house, and I thought to do the same, but the occupant of the house said "you can't park there! I've got visitors!". I said it would just be very brief and that it would enable more people to get out of her hair more quickly, but she was unimpressed. So I reversed, again.

(This is a common problem in our area. Old schools relying on small residential lanes to accommodate increasingly huge numbers of cars delivery kids as well as pupil parking. The one close to my house is a constant conflict zone between residents and drivers – which is really a failure of management by the school despite accidents involving kids).

By the time I finally collected my son and his kit, I was bored with reversing up this lane. I saw there was a driveway I could reverse into, and that it would save me reversing out onto the actual road. I knew it would probably piss off the occupant of the house, but it looked empty.

But I immediately sensed I had made a mistake. I watched in my mirrors as this guy exploded out of his house like a very angry cuckoo. He was clearly lying in wait for just such an occurrence. He was one of those men that are all torso and arms and not much leg. No hair, lots of beard, lots of ink. He clenched his fist and with some precision and forethought executed a very hard hammer strike to the rear side window of the car. I was observing his technique and it looked very good. I was surprised the window held. All the way he is shouting invective of the "Fuck you, bitch!" variety. He has gone to the passenger side and is screaming across my son, who has had the presence of mind to be doing up his window. Spit is flying out of his mouth and is accumulating on the now closed window. "Now, piss off!" He shouts, but then he picks up a large metal scooter and throws it behind my wheels so that I cannot, in fact, piss off easily at all. He goes back into the house and I don't get the impression he is coming back out. But I am aware he could have gone back to get a weapon of some sort and I don't really want to get out of the car.

(This was good thinking by you here as another one of our trainees witnessed a guy get a baseball bat and attack someone at another school dispute locally. He's already hit the car and thrown large metal objects at it, a sudden retreat back to the house may not mean that this is over...).

Another mother is waiting in the lane, in her car. She can't get past because I really didn't get at all far into the driveway before this chap came out. I am contemplating doing a 600 point turn to get out of his driveway. I am also contemplating running over the scooter and high-tailing it out of there, but I think it might damage my tyres. The woman asks "shall I move that for you?" And I reply "that would be most kind." For some reason that I can't quite articulate, I think that, even though she will also be trespassing on his property too, that he won't interact with her. There's something about the way he dived back into his house that makes me think that although he has unleashed a barrage of verbal abuse, he also had some social embarrassment going on, too. Anyway, she moves the scooter without incident. "Thank you" I say "he was quite cross". She rolls her eyes in agreement.

(Who knows, maybe he suddenly woke up to what he was doing and the optics of it, maybe the sight of a couple of people made him stay in the house, thankfully for you he did).

I noticed a few things about this incident. I have been working hard on not reacting to things that I would previously have reacted to. In this case,  being in the wrong, essentially, helped me steer away from gobby righteous indignation. He was quite intimidating, though, and even without making a conscious effort, it might be that I wouldn't have been inclined to answer back. I said very little, only really indicating that I did, indeed, intend to leave. But it might even have been that which made him prevent me from doing so. I managed not to laugh, which would have been a nervous reaction, but would have been received very badly. Grown men throwing their toys out of the pram or in this case at the back of my car can appear funny, but in my experience it's best not to  point it out to them. 

(The main reoccurring theme is always to try and engage with people as little as you can get away with. Focus on being aware of what they're doing and actively getting you away from them as fast as possible. Having the doors locked and the window up will slow them at least for a moment).

Next time I'll get there early, or later! My son, who isn't really used to shouty people, didn't seem too worried by it, and I minimised it with "that was a bit of an over-reaction, but I can see why he found it annoying" type of comment. 

(This is best as you don't want to create a worry in your kid every time he has to pass this house).

Went to a self-defence for women one-off workshop this morning, run by the woman who used to teach Krav to my kids. It was interesting. 

See you Tuesday

N

This does sound like a perpetual problem for this guy has made him seriously lose his better judgement in acting like this or maybe he's just a local bully.

Putting a chain across the entrance might stop this problem for him.

Being a woman may be part of it, I've spoken to a couple of women locally that have been berated and seriously intimidated like this while driving – stopped at junctions etc. The guy feels that there will be a lessened chance of being physically stopped or at risk by letting loose on someone smaller but not always.

What's interesting here is that he has done this right where he lives rather than driving away as anonymously as possible. I'm not a legal expert and just share the few things I know about from life experience or training so can't tell you about whether he's legally liable for throwing the scooter/ hitting the car etc especially considering that a child was present. Several ex police officers read this Journal and will be better able to tell you.

Like most things, it's best just to get a positive from it and move on. Giving yourself a bit more time next trip is a good option.

Thanks, J