Jeth thanks for this! I am trying to train myself to think more about all this stuff and trying to get past a ‘reactive’ state of mind… I guess that’s all very well once you have drilled the moves etc but at my present stage I DEFINITELY need to slow it down and allow myself to problem solve more… I have been trying this more this week in classes and it has felt a lot better.
Being a female of average build and average strength (and some degree of civility!), physical engagement would always be a last resort.. In most situations there's far more power in me making my 'pre-emptive strike' a psychological one.
The confusion tactic is brilliant, especially when the aggressor is fully heightened as there's less blood-flow to the brain at that point so they'll be easier to bamboozle!
If it's been possible for me to read the signs and take action before things have gone too far (ie before they've become completely irrational) then I've found using pure logic ('you don't want to do this because xyz consequences') in a very calm measured tone is effective.
Showing empathy and compassion can be effective too if I know or can guess at what has triggered them.. Though I find men respond better to this, and females not so much.
With females (and the men who don't respond to the sweetie approach) I've had better results by being dominant - lots of direct eye contact, owning the space with my posture and body language; stepping toward them etc,
speaking firmly and loudly - maybe even aggressively - but still calmly, without getting drawn into any drama or hysterics.
It's interesting looking at the dynamics of these sorts of interactions, because I'm sure the psychological tactics that work for me would be different to what works for a male for example, or someone with a different nature etc.
Of course we're all here to learn how to physically protect ourselves but it's really great to see a self defence instructor acknowledge the other side of the coin too and remind us that there are other tools we can use.. There's a load of books and videos available too on subjects like de-escalation and non violent communication techniques for those who want to pursue the even further.
“Being a female of average build and average strength (and some degree of civility!), physical engagement would always be a last resort.. In most situations there's far more power in me making my 'pre-emptive strike' a psychological one. “
Jeth:
If you are a member of the public – this is nearly always your best solution if it is in any way available to you regardless of gender or size. There are simply too many potential risks stacked against you, not just physical risk but also long term consequences.
The problem tends to be that it doesn't sell very well despite being the optimal tactic. The self defence/ martial “biz” is in many ways like the fitness one – always looking for the next gimmick and needing the dramatic to attract customers and sadly, the actual big picture of what people really need can and often does get lost in that very short term goal of money making. We laugh a lot in workshops which belies the depth and seriousness of a subject matter ( for health, this is essential) which isn't always an easy fit with standard marketing ideas.
Kiwichic:
“The confusion tactic is brilliant, especially when the aggressor is fully heightened as there's less blood-flow to the brain at that point so they'll be easier to bamboozle! If it's been possible for me to read the signs and take action before things have gone too far (ie before they've become completely irrational) then I've found using pure logic ('you don't want to do this because xyz consequences') in a very calm measured tone is effective. Showing empathy and compassion can be effective too if I know or can guess at what has triggered them.. “
Jeth:
Great points but remember the low arousal, cool headed, calculating predator that has already decided the events well in advance. Events, location etc are just variables to be manipulated for their benefit. This is a very different scenario to that of an impulsive hot head.
Kiwichic:
“Though I find men respond better to this, and females not so much. With females (and the men who don't respond to the sweetie approach) I've had better results by being dominant - lots of direct eye contact, owning the space with my posture and body language; stepping toward them etc, speaking firmly and loudly - maybe even aggressively - but still calmly, without getting drawn into any drama or hysterics. “
Jeth:
Fronting aggression is a viable tactic but can be a possible escalation if they don't back down – be ready to back it up as there is little left but physicality after this if your bluff is called.
Kiwichic:
"It's interesting looking at the dynamics of these sorts of interactions, because I'm sure the psychological tactics that work for me would be different to what works for a male for example, or someone with a different nature etc. "
Jeth:
People sense intention and readiness to back it up. Some are already faking and looking for a way out without physicality and this will then work. Others....less so.
Kiwichic:
"Of course we're all here to learn how to physically protect ourselves but it's really great to see a self defence instructor acknowledge the other side of the coin too and remind us that there are other tools we can use.. "
Jeth:
Thank you. It's essential to study the big picture of situations and possible solutions. Anything less is NOT self defence.
Kiwichic:
"There's a load of books and videos available too on subjects like de-escalation and non violent communication techniques for those who want to pursue the even further. "
Jeth:
Yes there are but it's also dangerous and seductive idea to believe that you can reason your way out of situations using superior intellect alone and that force is never a solution.
To return to my earlier comments, it's also a “biz” just like fitness and self defence – it flatters the consumer into thinking they are smarter to consider this but don't forget some people.....cannot and will not be de-escalated.
Jeth thanks for this! I am trying to train myself to think more about all this stuff and trying to get past a ‘reactive’ state of mind… I guess that’s all very well once you have drilled the moves etc but at my present stage I DEFINITELY need to slow it down and allow myself to problem solve more… I have been trying this more this week in classes and it has felt a lot better.
Being a female of average build and average strength (and some degree of civility!), physical engagement would always be a last resort.. In most situations there's far more power in me making my 'pre-emptive strike' a psychological one.
The confusion tactic is brilliant, especially when the aggressor is fully heightened as there's less blood-flow to the brain at that point so they'll be easier to bamboozle!
If it's been possible for me to read the signs and take action before things have gone too far (ie before they've become completely irrational) then I've found using pure logic ('you don't want to do this because xyz consequences') in a very calm measured tone is effective.
Showing empathy and compassion can be effective too if I know or can guess at what has triggered them.. Though I find men respond better to this, and females not so much.
With females (and the men who don't respond to the sweetie approach) I've had better results by being dominant - lots of direct eye contact, owning the space with my posture and body language; stepping toward them etc,
speaking firmly and loudly - maybe even aggressively - but still calmly, without getting drawn into any drama or hysterics.
It's interesting looking at the dynamics of these sorts of interactions, because I'm sure the psychological tactics that work for me would be different to what works for a male for example, or someone with a different nature etc.
Of course we're all here to learn how to physically protect ourselves but it's really great to see a self defence instructor acknowledge the other side of the coin too and remind us that there are other tools we can use.. There's a load of books and videos available too on subjects like de-escalation and non violent communication techniques for those who want to pursue the even further.
Thanks Kiwichic,
I'll quote and reply to answer these comments.
Kiwichic:
“Being a female of average build and average strength (and some degree of civility!), physical engagement would always be a last resort.. In most situations there's far more power in me making my 'pre-emptive strike' a psychological one. “
Jeth:
If you are a member of the public – this is nearly always your best solution if it is in any way available to you regardless of gender or size. There are simply too many potential risks stacked against you, not just physical risk but also long term consequences.
The problem tends to be that it doesn't sell very well despite being the optimal tactic. The self defence/ martial “biz” is in many ways like the fitness one – always looking for the next gimmick and needing the dramatic to attract customers and sadly, the actual big picture of what people really need can and often does get lost in that very short term goal of money making. We laugh a lot in workshops which belies the depth and seriousness of a subject matter ( for health, this is essential) which isn't always an easy fit with standard marketing ideas.
Kiwichic:
“The confusion tactic is brilliant, especially when the aggressor is fully heightened as there's less blood-flow to the brain at that point so they'll be easier to bamboozle! If it's been possible for me to read the signs and take action before things have gone too far (ie before they've become completely irrational) then I've found using pure logic ('you don't want to do this because xyz consequences') in a very calm measured tone is effective. Showing empathy and compassion can be effective too if I know or can guess at what has triggered them.. “
Jeth:
Great points but remember the low arousal, cool headed, calculating predator that has already decided the events well in advance. Events, location etc are just variables to be manipulated for their benefit. This is a very different scenario to that of an impulsive hot head.
Kiwichic:
“Though I find men respond better to this, and females not so much. With females (and the men who don't respond to the sweetie approach) I've had better results by being dominant - lots of direct eye contact, owning the space with my posture and body language; stepping toward them etc, speaking firmly and loudly - maybe even aggressively - but still calmly, without getting drawn into any drama or hysterics. “
Jeth:
Fronting aggression is a viable tactic but can be a possible escalation if they don't back down – be ready to back it up as there is little left but physicality after this if your bluff is called.
Kiwichic:
"It's interesting looking at the dynamics of these sorts of interactions, because I'm sure the psychological tactics that work for me would be different to what works for a male for example, or someone with a different nature etc. "
Jeth:
People sense intention and readiness to back it up. Some are already faking and looking for a way out without physicality and this will then work. Others....less so.
Kiwichic:
"Of course we're all here to learn how to physically protect ourselves but it's really great to see a self defence instructor acknowledge the other side of the coin too and remind us that there are other tools we can use.. "
Jeth:
Thank you. It's essential to study the big picture of situations and possible solutions. Anything less is NOT self defence.
Kiwichic:
"There's a load of books and videos available too on subjects like de-escalation and non violent communication techniques for those who want to pursue the even further. "
Jeth:
Yes there are but it's also dangerous and seductive idea to believe that you can reason your way out of situations using superior intellect alone and that force is never a solution.
To return to my earlier comments, it's also a “biz” just like fitness and self defence – it flatters the consumer into thinking they are smarter to consider this but don't forget some people.....cannot and will not be de-escalated.
Thanks for these great comments Kiwichic.